Tuesday, April 6, 2010

My chicken exploded

Once again, there is very little to say to my loyal blogowers. I'm dreadfully bored and sooo ready to be done with all of this. It's bringing out some not-so-nice things, like when Olive complains about how active her life was before and how she wants it to be that way again. I was sympathetic (empathetic?) about it when I first got here, but when she turns down opportunities to go out with friends and then complains about being bored, I lose my sympathy/empathy. And a very small part of me is thinking, yes your life may be a bit boring now, but you had a very exciting life and now it's other people's turn to have experiences. She keeps wondering why she didn't just "go" when she had her stroke because "it would have been easier" but then I think she's still here because (this may make me sound like a horrible person) she's a bit prideful in a LOT of ways and this has been a big humbling experience. Also, it has been a test (I think) for her family, to see how they handle it. Although it would be nice to have a grandparent leave me a trust fund, I look at all of this and am grateful I don't have everything handed to me. I don't want to be like that.
On a different note I'm dreadfully bored. I try and lose myself in a book or with story scribblings, but it's not easy to do when someone keeps calling you back to reality. Today she sat down and asked me what I wanted to do. I told her I wanted to sit on the couch and write. Then she kept insisting I must be bored and must want to go somewhere. I told her I didn't, but if SHE wanted to, we could, she just had to name it. "Well, I want to buy some white pants." (Eww) "And then we could have lunch somewhere." I replied, "Well, it's lunchtime now, so by the time you got ready to go, it would be past lunch time." She said, "I think I'm getting the feeling you don't want to go anywhere." "I already told you I don't, but I would drive you wherever you wanted to go." We've had many conversations like this. She wants to go somewhere, but refuses to admit it and tries to get me to say I want to go somewhere. Or she'll be feeling depressed and keep asking me if I'm "blue" or "down" and ask if she did something to upset me. I've learned that when she says this, it's because SHE is feeling down, but won't admit it. Everything may be wrong with everyone and everything around her, but heaven forbid she be less than perfect! See what I mean by problems with pride? You can be put in situations like this and it can refine your patience and compassion, but I think that after awhile, you use so much of your patience and compassion, than instead of refining it, you start to lose it. And your mind goes with it and soon you start to look like Helena Bonham Carter.
Speaking of which, I really like Juliet Binoche. She's pretty, but a normal person pretty. And I loved the hair of the chick who played Alice in the new Alice in Wonderland. Sigh....I'm so bored.

1 comment:

The Welch's said...

I think Reese is tall for her age... not like off the charts tall - but tall. I'm thinking of resurrecting the photo blog - would that help with the boredom?