So yesterday I was supposed to give a talk in church. I'd spent quite a lot of time writing it all out, twice, getting quotes from the church website, etc. Then Saturday night I had this slight feeling that it was the wrong talk. I just brushed it aside and went along my merry way. Then Sunday morning, I got lost driving to church. How you get lost going so short a way, I don't know, but I did. I got to church just as it was starting, laughing. Then as they were singing the sacrament hymn, I was getting the VERY strong feeling that they talk was wrong. Not as in wrong principles, but wrong moment. So I'm sitting there, biting my lower lip to keep from laughing at the ridiculousness (is that a word?) and wondering what I'm going to do. I was thinking about the conference talks I'd printed out and glued in my scriptures, but that wasn't feeling right, so I start thinking about the talks I've heard in Bozeman that I remembered and the more I thought about Bozeman, the more peaceful I got. So when they said my name and made way for me to speak (I was the first speaker, of course) I get up, holding my talk, and announce that I had the strong feeling not to give it, even though it was a VERY good talk. So then I dropped it next to me, as if I was throwing it away. Nice effect, and totally unplanned. I think it made people nervous to think I was going to fly by the seat of my pants, but what were they going to do about it? Anyways, it was definitely a Moses moment, where you just open your mouth and stuff comes tumbling out and you wonder if it makes any sense or if it's just a jumble of incoherent thoughts. When I finally sat down, after getting teary eyed and saying something along the lines of the importance of ward unity and the great harm the lack of it can do, it was like I was ten pounds heavier. Weird. People said it was good, so either it was, or they're making me feel better for having to wing it all. Even the apostles have teleprompters. Lucky. After sacrament was Sunday school and I sat in between Elder Hessing and this adorable young kid named Tyler and I remember feeling more relaxed and more safe than I have since I've been in California. I wondered briefly why and then realized I was literally surrounded by the priesthood. When Sunday school ended and it was time for Relief Society, I was really bummed because I was going to be without bodyguards again. To give you a little taste of how surrounded by awfulness and creepy feelings and just all around evil I am fighting against, here's what happened last night: I was dead asleep and then it suddenly starts to feel like someone was tugging on my bed or something, so I wake up and don't see anyone or anything moving, but when I close my eyes, it feels like something is tugging the bed.And it feels like someone is standing in the room. Very scary. So I grab this pic of the Savior I've got nearby and put it right next to my head and sing hymns until I fall back asleep (well, more just humming the tune because I couldn't remember the words). So I'm dreaming about whatever, and through the dream I can feel that someone is in the room again and like they're messing with the bed. (It felt like when you're laying down and someone sits on the bed. You know how it kinda moves everything?) Anyways, I feel all this but can't wake up and all of a sudden it switches and I see my friend Seth at a table reading scriptures and all of a sudden he looks up and starts pulling my arm and urging me to wake up. So I'm wide awake, creepy feeling is back and my arm is straight out and I can still feel where my arm was pulled, as if it was actually pulled. The picture of Christ had been moved away from my head in my sleep so I pulled it close again and then the creepy feeling left. I NEVER dream about ppl in Bozeman (except for the one dream about Micah being wrongly accused of murder). So that was weird. And then literally feeling like my arm was pulled. And then the creepy presence in my room TWICE in one night. Seriously. Creepy.
But I noticed during one of the dreams last night, that I'll swear in my dream. I don't swear in real life, though Olive swears all the time and I have to hear it. But I did notice that the only word she really doesn't use is the F word, and that's the one I heard in my dream. Only twice, but still. It's all so freaky.
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