I get on a soapbox in here...

So, I don't know why, but occasionally I'll come into the kitchen and discover that Olive has put dirty dishes in completely random places. For example, one day I found that she had done a few dishes. She said something about not knowing where to put something and I thought she meant there was a clean dish that she didn't know where to put. "Okay," I said. "That's fine." I was very wrong. She had, for some unknown reason, taken the still dirty saucepan and put it under the sink. She had washed everything else, but for whatever reason, had hidden this. Then yesterday morning I open the pantry and find the dirty cookie sheet on the floor. She's getting better with putting away the clean dishes in better places, as opposed to what she was doing before: putting them in the oven. I don't think it was because she's confused, I think it's because she hasn't used the oven for years and years and so figured she'd use it to store dishes in. Economical, but now that I'm using the stove constantly, it makes it a bit dangerous. Once I preheated the oven without realizing the saucepan was in there. Boy did that thing get hot.
Then there's the juice container. It's one of those Rubbermaid pitchers with the handle and lid. When I finish all the Kool-Aid, I put the pitcher in the sink along with all the other dirty dishes. She keeps thinking it's a container that's supposed to be thrown away, so I have to keep digging it out of the trash. It's strange the things you find you can get used to.
So since I've been experiencing a constant, almost relenting onslaught from the adversary, I've tried to just drown in the scriptures. I was going to start yesterday, but Olive really wanted to go out. Unfortunately, yesterday was also the day that the adversary seemed to double his efforts. I felt as fragile as a dry leaf and it took all of my effort to drive Olive uptown and not cry. I couldn't even bring myself to try and keep up some polite conversation at lunch. I kept thinking how I don't think I can do this any more and why is everything fighting me so, so hard right now and silent, half subconscious prayers for help and strength. Consciously I kept thinking "I need a priesthood holder." I couldn't decide if I really needed a blessing, or if I just needed the extra boost of strength being around the priesthood brings, but I kept picking up the phone to call the only priesthood holder I know out here. Then, as I looked at the phone, I'd start to wonder what exactly I was going to say and realize I had no idea how to ask for help without sounding completely insane. So I'd put the phone down. Then I'd pick it up again because I felt I couldn't do it alone any more, but once again, I'd think, "He's probably busy, or enjoying the company of a girly friend and I'd just be bothering him." So I'd put the phone down. Finally, I told myself I just needed to deal and not bother other people with my problems. So after doing the things we needed to do at the store, I helped Olive get into the car and buckled and I turn around and see Elder Hessing's smiling face. It was the greatest answer to all of my unspoken prayers and EXACTLY what I needed. I could have hugged those elders. I literally burst into tears, like in the cartoons where the tears suddenly come shooting out like waterfalls. Those poor, poor boys. I tried to stop crying, but not very hard because for some reason it just felt so good. They were in a hurry because they were on their way to meet with the mission president (I think), but being around the priesthood even for that little bit was enough to get me through the day. As soon as we got home, I pulled out the scriptures and started to read. I've read all day too, though the devilish "Aunt Flow" has been causing havoc.
(Sidenote: you know how most Indian tribes would make the menstruating women live a bit separated from the rest of the village for the week? Well, along come the stupid Puritainical, male dominating Christians who looked at this and thought it was so horrible and blah blah blah. Really, it was THEM who were being horrible. Before them, the women could be away from all the stress and work of everyday life and really just rest and take care of herself, with no one to bother her! Then come the whites and everything changes. The woman has to soldier on, no rest, don't talk about it, don't let anyone know anything is happening, like they should be ashamed of it or something. Ridiculous. Let's go back to where it was considered something special, something powerful, where the women could go take care of themselves and not worry about everyone else for a change!)
But anyways, I've read almost 15 books in the Old Testament. The short books, but still. And I must say, it has lessened the onslaught I've been fighting non-stop for two months. The only down side is that I really could care less about Israel and Jerusalem and their being sacked by foreign nations. I could care less about Israel NOW, much less back then, so it makes it hard to really get into some of the books that are all about Israel getting attacked.
And where are the normal looking women in the scripture? I read the book of Ruth and of Esther, and while what Esther did was quite courageous, the only reason she was in a position to do what she did is because she was pretty enough to turn the king on. Ruth, again, pretty enough to turn a man's head. It seems like every time they mention a woman in the scriptures, she's evil, or so pretty she's causing problems. So again, I say, where's the normal women?
Last night I was reading and suddenly get to the Songs of Solomon. Oh my scariness! After all the uplifting thoughts and spiritual feasting, I get to the borderline old-school porn poetry. There were verses describing what a woman's breasts are like, bowels being moved at the man's knock on the door, a man's head lying between breasts. Awkward to read and I was alone! There were a few lines where I thought, "That would be good in a greeting card", but it was a bit of a splash of cold water after the other scriptures. The footnotes point out that it's not inspired scripture and the Bible Dictionary notes that it's only in there so you can kind of compare the man and woman to the Lord and the church. Um, no, sorry. That's stretching it too far. For some reason I kept thinking it was like an old, Jewish Baudelaire, and I haven't even read Baudelaire, but that's what I was thinking. Of course, now you are all going to go out and read it, aren't you?
Well, unfortunately, nothing of real interest or humorous has happened. I do hope that none of you have to run through the adversary's gauntlet as I have been doing for so many weeks. I've never experienced anything like it and am so exhausted. Not physically, but like the psalm says, "I am too troubled to speak." I feel crippled and broken and that a great deal of me has died and I could really use some relief, but as the scriptures say, "No my will, but Thine be done." Sigh.