The Stench of the Snow

Walk in the south doors of the Snow building on the BYU-Idaho campus and you are attacked by a smell that's a cross between sweaty feet and unwiped butt. You spy a bronze statue of Christ, His face twisted in disgust, and you ask yourself the question "Why does a building dedicated to God smell like the bowels of hell?" Should you brave the stench and continue further into the building, you pass by a dozen or so students lining the walls and chatting amiably or concentrating on their computers. All are seemingly unaware of the puke green vapors swirling around their heads and causing the carpets to curl. These people are not Sweating to the Oldies, or mimicing Richard Simmons's figure on a TV screen, nor do I hear the telltale trumpeting coming from their netherregions, the hallmark sound of 'cutting the cheese'. So where does this smell come from? Are the music majors practicing behind the closed doors of the narrow hallways working up a massive sweat as they empty their spit valves? I can imagine a pianist playing with such passion the keys are slick with sweat and their bowels are weakened and let loose bursts of methane. On one hand you have to admire such malodorous dedication, but on the other hand, a certain orifice needs a cork. Since it's not very likely that the University is going to spring for a truckload of Febreeze (because apparently there are students who enjoy basking in the pleasures of pit funk because why else would they hang out there? It's not like there's ten other buildings to loiter in) and since it is also unlikely that a general disclaimer will be issued, I take it upon myself to give you unsuspecting and innocent victims of the general public this fair warning: Beware the Stench of the Snow!