Kill Me!

So I watched the first episode in Lost, to see what all the fuss has been about. Could barely get through it. I had to force myself to finish the episode. I'm pretty sure the thingy in the trees is either 1) a dinosaur 2) an alien or 3) a crazy guy in a machine of some sort. Or maybe a giant race of primitive peoples. All four of those ideas however are LAME! I'm going to see if I can get through the second episode tonight. I was thinking maybe the first episode sucked because I kept seeing all these completely ridiculous medical things. For example, the pregnant woman who falls ON HER STOMACH on the beach when something blows up, but she's "okay" later on. I don't think so. And the doctor doing CPR for like 2 seconds and the lady (who had air blown into her stomach but for some reason didn't throw up-yeah right) is suddenly okay. When you do CPR on someone, their ribs separate. She didn't look like she had rib problems. And certain people were looking WAY too suspicious, so you can pretty much either kill them off or rule them out of anything related to the crash. I have a feeling this should have been a movie, not a TV series.
At any rate, after watching that and limewire-ing tons of songs, I said prayers before going to sleep. Yeah, knelt there so long I had like permanent imprints on my knees. Is it possible to pester God when you spend months and months for an answer to a certain question and still end up empty-handed? Bollocks.
I was in a relatively good mood this morning, then I got all these letters from student loans and realized how big a mess everything is because MSU Financial Aid office SCREWED ME BIG TIME when they sent my loan money back instead of using it to pay off the rest of my bill, LIKE THEY PROMISED THEY WOULD! May they have terrible smelly gas at inopportune times.
I am so done with my current situation I could scream. But then I remember that when I leave I'll have no money, no job, no nothing. I've done my share of nothingness in life. Kinda want to be spoiled and have a roof over my head and food in my fridge, to eat my fill instead of stopping and knowing I have to save some for later or I won't have any later on.
And I REALLY REALLY REALLY want to be around poor/average people again. You would not believe how tedious it gets to be around vain people who throw money around like toilet paper and put so much importance on social status until you want to give yourself a lobotomy. I really need to get out of here before I turn into a horrible person, if I haven't already.